The Day Dumbledore Went Mad
by Akatyuki
Summary: Dumbledore invents a spork, Hufflepuffs turn Emo, an applesauce flinging contest? What sort of chaos has Dumbledore created? Read and find out!


"Welcome, students to another year at Hogwarts. In celebration of my 100th year at Hogwarts, I have invented a brand new eating utensil that from here on out will be use for every meal." It was a new year at Hogwarts, and all the students old and new, were listening, sort of, to Dumbledore's start of year speech.

"I bet ol' Dumbledork's invention drives those reject Hufflepuffs emo." Draco Malfoy whispered to Crabbe, who snickered loudly at the comment.

"The amaz-za-zing invention is state-of-the-art, and has most definitely and assuredly NOT been invented by muggles. I call it… The Spork!

Echoes of "A Spork?" floated through the hall as the students questioned Dumbledore's sanity.

"Yes, A Spork. It is a spoon and a fork combined into one super-special-awesome utensil!" He held it up.

Hermione turned to Harry, "Harry doesn't that look familiar to you?"

"Yeah," Harry whispered back, "Muggles invented that a while back. Dumbledore's becoming senile." All of the muggle borns knew exactly what it was, because the sporks were in mass production at all muggle schools. Even Snape was snickering in the corner at Dumbledore's mistake.

Dumbledore snapped his fingers and all the forks and spoons in the Great Hall were replaced with the sporks. The Slytherins looked at their new utensil with distaste, picking them up and breaking them in half (which they found didn't work as the plastic repaired itself when broken). The Gryffindors and Ravenclaws just looked at them before looking back to the Headmaster, and the Hufflepuffs, well, ah the Hufflepuffs. They were so frustrated with them since they couldn't figure out how to use them; they had a conference and became the Emopuffs. Were they stabbed themselves in vain, with the sporks.

"Tomorrow," Dumbledore announced, "We will be having an applesauce flinging contest with the sporks. And it will be Watermelon flavored applesauce." Dumbledore turned to face McGonagall, "I like watermelon flavored applesauce the most. Regular applesauce is so boring, but the cinnamon makes it only a little bit better." McGonagall motioned back towards the student body so Dumbledore faced them and continued on with his first topic. "The contest will be held by our favorite Potions Professor, Professor Slughorn!" Seeing how everyone had turned their attention back to him, Dumbledore decided to inform the student body of how he had come upon making the amaz-za-zing, unbreakable Spork.

[Unfortunately, this can't be mentioned as he has also cast a spell to stop meddling muggle fan fiction writers from reporting his secrets.

Everyone stared at Dumbledorelike he had three heads. Who would've thought that he did that, when he came up with the idea of the spok. He was a Headmaster! He shouldn't be doing that!!!

Dumbledore, finally realizing how embarrassing the story turned out to be, cleared his throat and stroked his beard. "Well, yes! Let the Feast begin!" (A/N The first years have been sorted already.)

Everybody started stuffing their faces with chicken, potatoes, deviled eggs, (except the slytherins, they didn't like deviled eggs), and broccoli.

"Oh yeah, " said Dumbledore, "I forgot to tell the house elves," (at this, a cry of "You cruel house elf abuser!!" rang from the Gryffindor table, followed by, "shut up Hermione!") "Ahem, well yes then, I forgot to tell the house elves not to bring out the deviled eggs out. You see, I had a strong urge to use the restroom, but I got lost on my way. I ended up in the kitchens, and by then it was too late. I had no choice but to use the enormous bowl of yellow stuff in front of me."

All throughout the hall students were spitting out the deviled eggs that previously had been in their mouths. Emopuffs cried, Gryffindors wiped their tongues with their napkins, Ravenclaws were puking, and the Slytherins were laughing their butts off at the whole predicament they had been smart (or lucky if you're a gryffindork) enough not to get themselves stuck in.

Dumbledore laughed as well, then in one swift movement of his wand, all the eggs went away. The rest of the evening passed without any problems, and, soon the next day came upon them.

Due to the applesauce throwing contest, all classes were canceled. Only a couple from each house was aloud to enter, and only four actually did: Neville Longbottom, Luna Lovegood, Draco Malfoy, and a random Emopuff.

The only reason Draco had entered was to lob applesauce in Harry's face, which he did.

"First up! From my own house, it's Draco Malfoy!"

He stepped up, turned around and chucked it in Harry's face.

"Bullseye!! Haha, Harry is a dingus!!"

"Shut up Malfoy!" Hary yelled, jumping down from the stands and grabbing a handful of the watermelon applesauce and lobbed it at Draco, who ducked, and hit Pansy Parkinson straight in the kisser. Her screaming brought some teachers who came and took Harry and Draco to Dumbledore's office.

"Ok then… Next up, Neville Longbottom!!"

He stepped up, and chucked the applesauce as far as he could, but nothing came off.

"It's on your back son, Anyway, Next is… the Random Emopuff!!"

He threw the whole spork.

"Alright then! Next, Luna Lovegood!"

Luna pranced up and grabbed a spork, filled it with applesauce, and stuck it in her mouth. She pulled out the spork and put it back, leaving the sauce in her mouth. She then skipped down the runway to the very end, where she spit it out onto the ground, much to the confusion of all the spectators.

Dumbledore laughed openly at Luna's performance and walked out of the hall thinking of what Harry and Draco were doing back at his office.

"Haha!" Draco had just shoved Harry into the pensieve. "Lawlness! Oh, crap! Dumbledork is coming!"

He hurried to sit down, and as he did, Dumbledore walked in.

"Good Evening Draco, Ah!! Where's Harry?"

"I tried to stop him sir, but he wouldn't listen to me!! He said he was going to save Hogwarts from the Dark Lord or something but he really wants to go make out with the Weasley girl!!"

"Bygummybears!! I must go find him!" And off he ran.

"Lawlness again!! Now, to the Dracomobile!" And he went back to the Slytherin common room.

Harry climbed out of the pensieve with a horrified look on his face. "I can't believe Dumbledore did _that!_"

Suddenly, he saw a paper bag on Dumbledore's desk. Grabbing it, he cut two eyeholes and drew a scar on his forehead. Placing it on his head, he ran down to the dungeons. "Using this disguise, I can sneak into the Slytherin common room! Oh crap! I don't know the password! Uh, Slytherins are the uberness?"

The door opened.

"Score!!" And he went in.

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Whoot! Sorry bout the cliffhanger-ish ending. Not really though. Reviews will be greatly appreciated, so if you want to , do, but if you don't we'll write anyway. Since its during the school year, we should update soon. –MN and BnC


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